it was a good job
that we Donut give a damn
you know what i mean?


Henry the Ninth


henry flower


The inevitable meeting of the moo-cows and the bin has happened. Screams of delight, grunts of animal abandon, and a great rustling of toddlers in garbage broke Henry’s morning trance.

‘It was causally determined, given the recent state of the roads and the nagging persistence of tardiness among the idiot classes.’

‘Idiot classes? I bid you enlighten me’, inquired a Tudor Nobby, laying aside his lute.

‘Everyone but us, young Nod!’

They laughed heartily and quaffed down goblets of blood red blood.

‘Morrow is the skinning of the Sinister Eyeballs, Sire.’

‘Tis, by Splurge, Noddy-doodle-dude! So heavy on the prune tincture, what say you’

‘By March Hare’s Day, your dreams of the home made black pudding will be realised.’

‘Indeed, you poor stooge. Indeed’

Bodies and domestic waste filled the Cut.

There was not another collection for two weeks.

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Bad rubbish goodbye
Never no good at it ever
Stare out plush hearthrug
Such sweet sweet sorrow
(Axminster willow pattern
coolie on rickety bridge)
Observe the niceties now
Wistful sly shy smiles
Get what I mean—no?
Take your hands out of my hair
Wipe off that ghastly

Words don’t come my way
‘goo-goo ga-ga…tee-hee, aargh’
Is that the time already?
Smash hideous accidental vase
Water and flowers splosh
Vandalise bucolia
Salt, white wine vinegar
Soon be as right as rain
Now’s your chance to scarper


I, economist

University professor
Smote myself to sleep
Bread and egos, rashers
Puddings: sweet (leukaemic) white
& bitter (bulls brown)
Give Blood!
Quantative teasing
Tickle till you drop I will
Fingers crossed behind my back

was i just? kidding

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