Grimbeau

Scroodles

Category: flash fiction

Suspect Aspidistra (the full nine minutes…)

Tintin Quarantino quit the bowers for higher ground when the flowers of romance exploded into a festival of the oppressed

Seeds of fear aroused by MRI scans. Blood test in Basingstoke was for renal function, Speak to your GP for laughs.

Made it through the night again. Shall we meet outside Café de La Mairie or behind the tin roof bike shed. Declasse fields grow strange fruit.

Memories are short like fat hairy legs in socks and sandals queuing up for a berth on a Ghost Ship

Sun comes round to warm the lawn— so soon it must be noon,

In the meantime eat last night’s savoury titbits on a rugged slice of white cob..,fuel to feed the fire.

Call up medics under grey skies– Carpe Diem and all that jazz. Café au Lait, Monsieur?

A Garcon enquires from a safe distance. Tintin nods assent, and leaning back blows a bubble of pink chewing gum.

Shimmering figures of giggling mannequins pass in designer shades.

Scamper down boulevard of rancid dreams in a toadstool kerchief,

Obliterate a canopy of fetid screeds singing a shallow blues,

Well if it aint that funny little cough again, a prelude to a sombre snooze?

Soft and silly sacerdotage mumbles contain obscenities from the beneath a suspect aspidistra

The Little Bird Trolled

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Remember reading the Unnameable in identical weather this time last year and the one before.
Same house different room this time. The old lady oppostite was alive last year. Now her stuff is in a skip on the drive.
Saw it from the room I mentioned earlier
History has been made all right. The ulcer was smaller then.
Did a bit out in the sacred garden. Even got out from time to time. Down the pub. Never say Die. Plucky old bird.
Way beyond that now. Place going downhill fast. That leaky lean to aint got long by the llo of it. Much water under the defrosted fridge
Few people call in to pick. The Virus you know…Plus sans change.

Not Grafton St and Cary Grant again I ask you! Back in the day they would neer hae dared to.
When men were men and women were afraid. There are a few more stiffs hanging round tonight
fly dumped on the sub-toxic lawns
Where cats hae spat the rats hae shat the remains of the dubious quorn
And and and what? Gimme a moment Monkey Face. Cary puttles the kettle on.
Christian gets blinded following science and arrives at Vanity Fair. Merciful heavens Collapse
‘Now who left the sky open, on a market day

Still sloobing aroound in housecoat and slippers properly let themsells go;
stale fags and rotten carpets
The place was crawling with americans unknown on facebook
settling old scores with paramours
proscribing all transgressions
born of a Badland
A feud that threatened to spill over and consume the world
supply of oxygen and intolerance.

Dialogue’s a bugger to write when the voices talk at the same time.
One takes short cuts like making most
of it up. Usually sounds better that way.
They bolted at his every word
What are they saying over there by the elephant’s foot?
How big elephants must be?
Silly
More like it really…
Benedict’s a scream when you get to know him
But he can be so…abrasive
His old girl came from there
Shows in the wash
True. So true

Ten Twenty Nine…

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…something that is probably novel
happens at this time this morning
a fantasy sequence on Brownsea Island
or perhaps a nylon carpet
crackling with static
brings instant concerns
about the bass guitarist
Where is it all gone?
The grass is getting cut.
chocolate muffins and opium all day
Better stay indoors
where oh where did it all go

Le Crunch

Grimbeau

Ingratitude did not come easy to Adam at first, but he told me that once you get the hang it, it soon becomes a firm favourite with all the family, & creating just the right environment for it to thrive results in endless time consuming diversion…
—You’re obsessed! I thought, but he was my man and I did not want to prick his bubble
—What do you fancy to eat? I said
—Apple crumble, he replied contemplating apathy
The air grew thick with orange blossom.

~
—Maculate misconceptions are more frequent than first meets the eye, said the Omniscient Narrator, looking straight into camera two. And to me it seems somehow inevitable that this little episode will precede a fall to end all falls
—Well you should bloody well know, I thought, knowingly
Adam began to weep in despair, smelling trouble in the air, and cursed the green lentil stew…

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Oliphants & Berserkers

O'Morse where art thou

 

 

ain’t got no time for messing; original thought sought; panic brought forth nowt; busy morning to chew over;
a bitter campaign; internecine warfare in the shires; who drew that line in the land?

the wind gets up apace whipping up a storm a white island volcano coughs its disapproval causing five
to perish on a far off event horizon

black holes are practicising cannibals that will eat eachother in the end engendering a pompous rumpus in
the parly houses that remain

it was then it dawned on me it was midwinter and i ought to make sacrifice to fuck all and ensure the bucklers
are fit for purpose

it was noted as odd when the supply train arrived before the vanguard and the smell of sizzling bacon
entranced our half starved elephants and berserkers

Flavella found paltry the consolation of knowing that persistence was its own reward as she gathered lilacs
in the spring scattered on the ringpull strand

The Cocked Up Party

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Cedric found the Marquess of Coole spreadeagled on the Ottoman with the ‘Half Life
Of Snails’ in her bloodless grip & posted the footage on Snuffchat so Henry knew
Edward G was still at large capable of unspeakable atrocity. After all the drawing room
was full up with blistered aubergines, midget broccoli festooned the architraves, and
a hairless Headcase whimpered soulfully wrapped only in a samphire ballgown.
At heart Henry had twigged the man was just a pushy upstart from Central casting;
the one they always let through, the dead loss leader, the hollow idol to kill off with
strychnine on a wet afternoon but the uranium ran out at the wrong time

Think of the afterthrill of eating chocolate in the dark and feeling a little moist afterwards.
It was all pff course and a huge charade. The long positions would still hold firm on cupidity and smarm, he thought of Peregrine out at sea huntin marlin for that snitch Veronica. Nailed up and bleeding effluent from every orifice he was lost, hooked, lined and blinkered by her gums. Henry understood too well how lesser narwhals would fold under such pressure and morph into slum beauticians sweeping up in delapidated nail bars. But this was not Cedric’s script. He always sought delineation. For him things were simply matters to order and control. With that in mind Henry set off for the bakery.

Cool shrooms and anchovy bisque, homespun alphabetti spaghetti:sounds illegible; fungal magic soused in honey.Cheryl really had pushed the boat out this time. Always too keen to please. After all
she was born nutritionist: worst acne I ever saw. She wore a homespun hood with slits to breathe and see. Takes all sorts suppose. They call her Elephant Woman. But never to her face you understand.
Well I mean how can you? Inappropriate

Some farewell letter you’d agree. Henry was agog. Edward G had legged it for good. All hell breaks loose in the utility room. The kittens go bananas at the sight of giant mouse. Henry takes a powder. A smell of camphor burning. Whose stockinged feet are poking out this time? Colonel fucking Sanders?
Smell him all over.

The Milkman Cometh

GLASS CEILING

 

 

check to see what that note
is in that cyan bottle
really do I need that wash
that banking thing perplexes me
that extinction rebellion take lambeth bridge
police stage that media retreat
world in that commmotion
workers of the world that relax
the milkman that made it through

Phaeton rides out

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Forty degrees centigrade
One hundred fahrenheit
Known records under threat
Summer of nutters peaks
Sprinkle sand on your cornflakes–
telly punsters looking sweaty
for posterity

ET Sent Home

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Sunday: Wrote to H, he replied! I replied.
He replied first though–in a sense–so there.
Hausfrau sleeps fun off. Cricket and Tennis
left to keep me real for now.
Feathermouse bioupgrades to Mousefeather
Drifts away to dry on idle thermals
criss-crosses skimarked skies declare
blue snow a first in such climes…
resist the flying pig roast passing over
St Swithin cops a deaf ‘un
keeps his pigeon powder dry

Rainy Newt House

Barn

 

Alehouse crocs devour paradox wracked by lounge bar lizards with goosebump gizzards one armed bandits sneer
empty handed begging favours look for crazed saviours cops burst in quelling din quenching fires after one
fun begun when we met a saucy fish dish only found out later alligator some time later when in came pater
baked potato hot to handle looked around took a bitesize chunk settled down blowy night by fazed candle night …

Green golden sleeves droop willowy supine over sable fable plots footpads trip light
elastic flagstones
sneak thief wily gulley snipe giggles echo ghoulish splatter dash dissolve down cobbled runnels cunny
air drains for miasma and hoop lanes squat arched floribunda sprout from brick grikes and get mistook for cat burglars
posies…fistful of sixes, fistful of sevens overspruced suitors don best bib and tucker
smile coyly erect
Get besplat with coal juiced sleet dropping by to pass on a promise of nevermore sorrow eternal blisses
steal furtive kisses contacting sublime lilting learned on all things and everything you honour to neglect.

*

Meanwhile Hope downtown
springs eternal thanks to electric shock therapy…

Episode seven: The Rape of the Lick
Apeshit in Dudley Salterton (the only game in town)
Deaf Mango Party Pack plays a Humdinger de Luxe
Carpal tension quelled by stirrup pump & unction
Going going gong…Squawky Flitch prevails over a Jug
bring on the main event
During the crash of two zeros eight queueing up outside
Northern Rock in Brixton
Retrieving a lifetime’s savings.
Rodgered once more by de Cover Up
retreat into
Insecure obscurity
battening down hatches
weathering the storm
The one that never stops
Hurricane Harry hits Louisiana
Twisters blister bayou
Savage lakes of Pontchartrain
Langston takes the wavy air
One in the pot
One ready to go…

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